New Leaves

A friend recently suggested that feelings may be primarily transient, and not very useful as indicators of the progress of our lives. I responded with a short essay that I’m now turning into my post for this week.

Before I present that reflection, however, I want to review the insight which came to me during a morning meditation. I found myself considering what purpose is being served by my strict adherence to a weekly posting schedule. (Yes, I know, I missed last week. I was preoccupied with an important personal event which took precedence over everything else in my life.)

My contemplation this morning encompassed the vivid presence of Divine Spirit in the posts of a fellow student of MasterPath (Lesley King – The Inner Adventure) and my unanswered inquiry into the extent to which that presence shows in my own writing. What I received in lieu of an answer was another question – why do I continue to demand of myself a weekly post?

When I started this blog a year ago, my motivation was to demonstrate a commitment to writing that might be relevant to finding an agent and/or publisher for my then recently completed novel. Six months later I started a far-more-than-fulltime job which continues to occupy most of my days. And then a delightful but attention-demanding new relationship bloomed in my life, leaving even less time to focus on writing. Nonetheless, I’ve written something thoughtful – and I hope of general interest – weekly for a year. My circumstances have changed far more dramatically than I could possibly have envisioned a year ago. My relationship to this blog has, I now realize, also been transformed.

Meeting the demands of my ”day” job makes ample use of my mental and interpersonal, outer-directed skills. Building my new relationship stretches, embellishes, transforms, beautifies all aspects of me, but particularly my physical and emotional bodies. I know that I would not have been gifted with this delightful and rich blessing of commitment had I not already achieved a strong relationship to my Divine inner Teacher. I also recognize that I am now being nudged, once again, to preserve time and attention for the next step that Teacher will be asking me to take. Rather than pushing myself to put words down – I started to say on paper, but really it’s only on screen – I realize I need a break from words, a break from busy-ness, and instead, more mental silence.

So I will be continuing to post, when those silent periods allow Spirit to reveal to me material that seeks expression. I’m curious to see what schedule of posts results from freeing myself of the obligation to write weekly!

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I do want to share the gist of my response to my friend about transient feelings, and their relevance, or lack thereof, to the meaning of our lives.

“Would you grant that the feeling tone of a life can change, can also be positive or negative, loving or constrained – or sad, or calm, or impatient – and that this tone has an expanse across time, and breadth across activities? Rather than saying I am feeling happy these days, should I have said that the tone of my life has altered from practicing containment and patience, to active flowering in a variety of ways?

“I planted an avocado pit about 8 months ago, that had cracked open and put forth a small shoot as it sat in water on my kitchen window. In its pot of earth in the living room, it slowly grew, putting out a single leaf, sometimes two, which would drop off before new ones emerged. This pattern went on month after month. The plant became taller, more mature, but never fuller until just last month when it began producing new leaves without losing the original ones. Now it is both taller again, and sporting a head of 15 leaves. It is still a young avocado tree but it is nonetheless quite a different plant than it was 4 weeks ago.

avocat1

“Months of patient, repetitive experience (in my case years of it) have given way to a different look, a more fulfilled form, changed and more expressive energy, a happy presentation of what it is to be an avocado tree me… My energy level has escalated such that my daily being is much more productive. Next, unanswered, question – is happiness the result of that increased productivity, or the energizer which makes the productivity possible – or both?

“I’m pretty sure I won’t be puzzling over the answer any time soon. I prefer to focus on putting out more leaves.”

Leaves which I will share as they manifest.

 CIMG2428

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5 Responses to “New Leaves”

  1. lesleysking Says:

    Hi Niki,

    I see that the comment is awaiting moderation. Initially it said that it wouldn’t post it. So all is well, dear soul.

    Much love, Lesley

    • chelawriter Says:

      I’ve been lax about visiting my own site, failing to moderate comments in a timely manner. Have done so now; thank you for visiting and for your acknowledgement. When inner and outer blend harmoniously into one another, time vanishes, an experience which can be both positive and distracting. Isn’t it delightful, observing how opposites can combine?

  2. lesleysking Says:

    Niki, I’m not sure your post blog would allow me to reply for some reason, so I am sending it here: Beautiful post, Niki. Thank you for the mention. I am happy to hear about the beautiful new manifestations in your life, definitely a reflection of your abundance on the inner. And what a lovely avocado tree, also a lovely reflection. I have found that the blogging definitely needs to find its own pace. That is why I also began posting poetry and writings from other inspired souls. However we do it, our inner selves must come first. Blessing to you, fellow blogger.

  3. chelawriter Says:

    And I, you.
    What I did not specify in the post is that the personal event was my marriage to Jackson Awuzing Igondou. You may find him on Facebook, if you care to see how handsome he is. In many ways we are a most unconventional couple, but nonetheless well suited in our values, goals, and spiritual connection. I am now receiving the benefits of a truly caring partner such as I perceive you to have with Hubs.
    Thank you also for the grays – I love them and find them to be quite lively.

  4. Cheryl @ Artzzle Says:

    In so many things … you and I seem to be on the same paths … traveling in the same direction. This particular post has been a tremendous gift for me, and I sincerely THANK YOU.

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